In the future we'll all be gay
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
