sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
