How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
