Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
