everyone is single if you try hard enough
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
