hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
