just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
