Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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