the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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