Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
50% drunk capacity currently
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
