ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
