Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
