they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
