I met the friendliest cop last night
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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