I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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