last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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