I wish I could teleport
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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