Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
