U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize