how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize