just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
