i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize