...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize