You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You left your phone here
Wait...
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