she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
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