before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
