sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
