I just googled if crying burns calories
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
