first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He shit in the fireplace
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize