Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
