i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
