I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
