Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
