I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
