God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
