Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
