yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
PANTIES FOUND
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