Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
