I'm going to rape someone's good day.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
