I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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