Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
