he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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