i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
