I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
