Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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