dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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