Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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