So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
