if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
