I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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