just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
