He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
