ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
