I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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