no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
