She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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