He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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