why do cheetos always look like penises
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
