I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
are you so shy because you have an std?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
