TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
