I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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