Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
