After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
