Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
