Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
