I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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