Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize