so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
