how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
