YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
