watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
