You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
