My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
