I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize