I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize