Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
