You're so nebulous sometimes
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
