she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize