I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
