My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
