I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
