I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
