My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize