I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
