my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
