Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
