I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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