She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
