you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
this is an emotional support booty call
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
