Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
