the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You ate ashes out of my bong
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
