i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
