Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
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