I'm pants shitting drunk right now
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
being pregnant is like rehab
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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