Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
