drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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