Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
