I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
They took my balls.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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