Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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