wakey wakey hands off snakey
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
