He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
