girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
