her vagine was all disorganized.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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