It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
