I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
