Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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