i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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