I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
